Week 16 2026

Yesterday they came to redo the kitchen floor. It turned out all the panels underneath were broken. I don’t know if they were defective from the start or just installed badly. But something tells me they were installed badly. With the new floor, there’s much less vibration now.

I’m so glad everything worked out the way it did and that the floor got replaced. I was honestly really anxious about even bringing it up—and apparently for good reason. Matti, the worker who ended up doing the job (and who actually lives nearby), had only started working there a week before he first came to check things. If it had been someone else, maybe they wouldn’t have bothered at all.

And I’m proud of myself for pulling it together and asking them to redo it. At first I agreed to just glue the loose spots, but then I called Jarmo and asked if they could redo everything—even on a different day—and he said yes. And in the end, we now have about 90% of a new kitchen floor. And most importantly, that vibration is gone.

I watched a really powerful video on the Advaitha YouTube channel today. It gave me some “new-old” realizations. The biggest one felt completely fresh: I want financial independence, but I’m afraid of being independent—of being alone, abandoned. As long as I’m dependent, I’m definitely not alone, and someone will take care of me.

And if I look at it from a psychological angle—it feels like I’m afraid my mom will leave me if I stop needing her. As long as I’m in need, she’ll stay.

It’s fascinating how the mind and consciousness work.

When I saw this clearly, something started to release. I can feel that there’s actually nothing to be afraid of.

There was another video too—it reminded me that fear is just the absence of knowledge, of understanding. And it really feels true. Darkness isn’t something on its own—it’s just the absence of light. And fear is the same. It doesn’t really exist by itself, it’s just where there is no clarity.

All of this made me think it would be good to start studying Vedanta. But for now, I’ll probably just keep watching videos on that Advaita channel—it feels like the most accessible way to begin.

Yesterday there was also a situation at home—we argued about dinner. I wanted to cook what I felt like cooking (I made gnocchi yesterday), but Ora wasn’t happy with that. He started saying that if I cook that, then he’d need something separate. I told him then he could cook for himself, but that didn’t suit him either.

Then he said I should order from Dragon Sheng. I said I don’t want to spend extra money on food right now. He said then just order for him and he’ll pay. I mean… seriously.

Things escalated, voices got louder, and he started his usual pattern. Then he left to pick up our son, and I stayed home feeling upset.

But then I stopped myself. I literally said “stop.” I decided I’m not going to get upset over someone else’s nonsense. I made a clear decision: if I’m cooking, I choose what to cook. If he cooks, then he chooses. He never makes something separate just for me, so why should I? And if he wants to order from a restaurant, then it’s for everyone—otherwise, it doesn’t work for me.

I decided that, and I calmed down. Then I just continued putting things back in place after the floor renovation.

In the end, he came back with groceries for what he wanted to cook and made it himself. I helped a little, actually.

This morning I put advertising stickers on my car—it felt a bit nerve-wracking. I didn’t go swimming today, I’ll go tomorrow.

Today someone is also coming to check whether it makes sense for us to install solar panels and how much it would cost.

And over the weekend, on Saturday, we grilled sausages outside for once, in the evening. Yarden was so calm, and the whole evening felt peaceful. I really caught that moment—this feeling of quiet joy and contentment.

I realized, really felt, that I already have so much.

Today I also saw that Esedu opened applications again for massage training. I immediately applied, but then noticed it’s mainly for people who already have a background in the social field—though it says they might accept others too. I got excited right away. I really want them to accept me… and at the same time, there’s that fear—what if they don’t.

But if fear is just absence of light, of knowledge—then what do I do with it?

Even writing this now, I feel a bit lighter.

To be continued.